I was raised to be a wife and mother. Not only is it the Southern way, but it's what "Christian women do". From childhood I was taught the purpose of dating was to find a husband, Mr. Right, the white knight...whatever you want to call this holy grail of a person I was searching for from birth. I was also taught a series of other things that skewed my view of men, dating and relationships, but that's a post all its own. I wish I had known there were other options for leading a purposeful life and that marriage did not guarantee a happy ever after.
I wish I had the awareness back then that I have now which is that relationships are assignments from the universe. Each connection we make to another challenges us to become a bettter version of ourselves if we allow it to. A soul mate may simply be someone that pops in and out of your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you and move on. Someone you're dating, or even someone you fall in love with, may be in your life to teach you what you DONT need, DONT want, or shouldn't do! The healthiest approach to dating and love is to embrace each connection with a whole heart until it either ends or it doesn't. Reflect on your time with this person to learn more about your self, others, the world, and your place in it.
By not hoping each person we meet fills this supposed void, or somehow completes us, or rescue us (the lies we're told we as little girls), the pressure is released. We can simply be in the moment with people that catch our interest and enjoy the ride!
I am dating. I am not dating to find a husband, but I'm not opposed to it either. Marriage just isn't a life goal anymore. Instead, it's something my partner and I may, or may not, decide to do. Whatever is decided will be what is best for us. I no longer feel the need to live within social constructs and do what others expect me to do. I don't need a ring, or a piece of paper, to solidify a connection I have with another human being. I don't need a label to help me define my role in my relationship and there won't be any expectations on how we move forward in our life together. If I get married again, it will be for no other reason than to promise the person I love that I'm in it for life. No doubts, no expectations, no pressure...just love. Real LOVE. A mutual love where each partner takes care of the other's needs and a connection that cannot be broken by time, life, or distance.
So, to marry or not to marry? That is the question. The answer is for me to decide on my own.
"I am someone that is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love" -Carrie Bradshaw
Parenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play