Good on Paper

A good on paper guy is the one who meets all the "qualifications" you have listed in your head, or the ones your parents, friends, and society, have outlined for you. I made a list like this in a "Sex, God, and Me" workshop as a teenager at church. The goal of the exercise was to get you thinking about your future life partner and refuse to settle for anything less. Also, refuse to date anyone that wasn't what you were looking for. 

Not wasting any time with someone who you don't see a future with is a wise practice. This can protect you from getting your heart broken and perhaps missing out on quality men while wasting time with suckers. 

I've had the list I wrote when I was fifteen and I've added a few things to it, of corse, but now, as a divorcee I've changed the way I look at this list. I've realized it's rather easy for a man to posess many of the traits on this list; however, after experiencing a HIGHLY TOXIC marriage with a man that was "good on paper", I realized it's even more important to look at how they utilize their traits, rather than the traits they posess. 

For example, I used to look for a man that was strong. I accidentally mistook aggression for strength in my last relationship. Or, humor can be entertaining at first, but is that humor used at the expense of others? If so, this may be a defense mechanism this person uses to deflect your attention off darker traits. Intelligence is also something most people look for, but does this person use intelligence to only serve themselves or are they engaging in enriching conversations, furthering their career, or helping others in need? We all know the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words" and in the instance of dating, I feel its even MORE important not to release your heart to anyone based on how they SAY they are. Take time to get to know them and observe their actions, their lifestyle, their response to adversity, and draw your own conclusions on their character based on actions, not interviewng skills. 

"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking" -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.