Its not uncommon for men to ask a woman they're interested in, "What are you looking for?" This question presents itself in text, phone calls, first meetings, and always at least by the third date. Its such an odd question because there's no "coffee date" response. No 3 minute elevator pitch can sum up what a woman is looking for; especially a woman like me. Because, chances are, my honest response will likely repel you.
A 27 year old male I was chatting with last sunday afteroon over a few cocktails at a carnival themed bar (that detail is crucial...(imagine a whimsical lighthearted ambiance) looked me dead in the eye and started telling me he's looking for someone special to share his life with and he thinks that may be me. Whoa! slow down, buddy! Come ride the slide with me or lets throw bean bags around on the astroturf. I laughed (which probably hurt his feelings) and said, "You seem like the 'marying guy', honey. That's not my scene." His demeanor immediately changed and he relaxed, "I'm really not, but I thought maybe you were". That answer made things even worse and made me laugh even harder. "Dude, you can't just assume ALL women want to get married and more importantly, this isn't Sunday Funday convo with a thirty-five year old divorcee- just sayin'"
Been there. Done that. Not for me.
I didn't get divorced because I hated marriage. I had legitimately valid, life threatening reasons for divorcing. However, now that I'm on the flip-side (and older), I've realized marriage was only something I did because I felt I should. I felt like I had to. I was dating someone nearly seven years, we had lived together 85% of that time, we were both of age, why not? What else are you supposed to do, right? Ummmm....I wish I'd known back then there were other options! I wish I had known marriage wasn't the only logical next step and more importantly that marriage wasn't going to fix a bad relationship. The institution of marriage came with a heap of issues that tragically altered my relationship and subsequently me as an individual.
So, what am I looking for? I'm still looking for LOVE. I'm looking for my person! I'm looking for someone whose mind, body and soul all excite me and challenge me. Someone who has incredible goals for themself and their life and will NOT alter those dreams or ambitions because of me or for me, but rather allows me to be a part of the dreams. I'm looking for someone who will be open and honest with me and allow me into their life and become a part of my life, but together we encourage each other to live our own adventures. This person will not only adore my wild nature, but encourage it. This person will trust our connection enough that even when we're apart, they'll know we are together.
This person will also be secure enough in what we have that they won't need to legally "claim" me. This person will know I love them and they love me and it will be understood that love will always be there. We will be partners in love and in life however we choose to love and live.
This person is wild, soulful, adventurous, thoughtful, generous, kind, social, ambitious, patient, strong, gentle, warm, generous, honest, light hearted, optimistic, playful, confident, cultured, selfless, willing, trusting, affectionate, spontaneous, romantic, creative, forgiving...loving. They approach people with an open mind, approach me with an open heart, and approach life with an open soul. On our own, we are dynamite, but together we are a force.
"I'm someone who is looking for love. Real love. Consuming, inconvenient, can't-live-without each other love" -Carrie Bradshaw
Parenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play