So...what CAN we do to discipline our children? WTF is left, right? LOL
Positive parenting is about the relationship you have with your child
1. Maintain healthy, loving relationship
Make every hello and goodbye a special event and seal in your love for your children with affection, love, songs, healthy food, and lots of play together! Happy hids who feel loved behave better than those are seeking attention or validation.
2. Model how to behave, how to make good choices, how to be a decent human!
Children won't do what you tell them to do. They'll only do what you've shown them to do. So, take stock of what you wnat your children to do, how youd like for them to behave and the types of character traits you hope they posess and then DO and BE those things. Discipline isn't necessary when they have an appropriate role model they love and look up to.
3. Expect them to be GOOD, not bad
Children, and adults, will meet you at your expectations. If you expect your children to act up, they probably will. But, contrarily, if you expect them to behave and make the right choices, they often do! It may take a few loving, gentle reminders, but by maintaining your calm and preserving your relationship with your child, eventually they'll figure it out.
Relationship is KEY!
"Take the kids for ice cream" is my number one parenting tip! No amount of yelling, screaming, threatening will "fix" a child who wants your love and attention. So, stop focusing on the hole and enjoy the donut. Start seeing your child for all that they are, not all you want them to be. When you are fully present, fully accepting, fully loving this wonderful being, the discipline problems and poor behaviors begin to decrease naturally. Smile at them, love them, tell them they matter to you, and be sure to notice all they're doing WELL. Make time for ice cream and play and enjoy life together.
Most of the time I'm the mom in the yoga pants, sneakers, and ponytail without actually going to, or coming from the gym. My athleisure fashion is a biproduct of versleeping and only having the time to get two-thirds of my family dressed. I'm the one-third who grabs whats on the floor and if it doesn't stink, I'm wearing it.
Then, when I actually have to get dressed like an adult and squeeze into a pair of jeans or a dress, I realize yoga pants don't tell you when you've had too many nachos at bedtime. Whoops!
I'm managed to fluctuate a few pounds here and there over the years, rarely gaining noticeable weight, and easily shedding it by adding a few things to my routine when I need to button things back up again, lol.
My favorite things to "meal prep" are:
Some may think babywearing is for hands free caregiving and whilst it is nice to strap a baby to your body and go for a walk or get cooking and cleaning done, babywearing benefits are practically ten fold!
1. Handsfree (duh) this is awesome! I wore babies while cooking, traveling, flying, shopping, and even riding ATVs in the rainforest once. No, I'm not kidding.
2. Speech development
Your baby is benefiting from hearing you speak throughout your day by being in such close proximity. The neurons in the brain are firing and reqiring to prepare for vocabulary, speech, volume, tone, and conversational skills. So...tell stories, meet a friend for coffee, talk on the phone, all while wearing your baby!
3. Muscle Tone
Baby is shifting weight in a sling and building core or perhaps holding neck up to look around while riding on your back. Maybe your newborn is getting tummy time while chets to chest with you and pushing against your body with arms and chest...suspension with appropriate support builds muscle tone. You're welcome!
4. Physiological wellbeing: your baby benefits from being lined up next to the parents body for regulating internal rhythms. They learn to match your heartbeat, breathing, and even digestion from being tummy to tummy.
5. Emotional development: A baby that is in close proximity to mom or dad has all emotional and social needs met automatically. Not only are they calmer and safer, but they're feeling loved and attended to without really needing to do anything to get your attention. Studies show these babies cry less and are generally more happy than babies that are not worn.
6. Condidence: Babies are in the psychosocial stage of trust vs mistrust. A worn baby develops towards trust in their caregiver, and therefore the world because they feel safe and assured they'll be cared for. They don't experience the flailing, crying, lost in space feeling babies feel when they're left lying alone on a cot or blanket without caregivers nearby. Trust me...a baby with all their needs met is less "needy".
7. Brain development: A worn baby is experiencing the sensory benefit of love, touch, pheremones, and cuddling that build the brain! Neurons fire and rewire to build the brain throughout the course of the days. This is also a form of attachment parenting, scientifcally proven to produce more intelligent kiddos who do better in school and socially from secure attachment!
Bonus: The Tantrum Tamer: As a twin mom, my baby carrier was essentially an extension of my body. I wore my Mia Milly around my waist and if there was a tantrum or one running a different direction than the other (which was inevitable), I'd strap him on, flip him to the back and chase the other. In fact, I didn't work out the first few years of their life. Instead, I wore them lol.
Best carriers in my opinion are shown below. Read descriptions to be sure you get the best one for your size and family's needs.
From the time they were about six weeks old I was venturing out and about with my twin boys SOLO. I didn't want to hold back from outings and social events simply because I was outnumbered now! I attribute the ease of my outings (if having twins is ever easy) to having the best gear. Without some of this stuff to help me, I probably wouldv'e been rocking back and forth in a corner repeating, "help me" the first year of life.
The Uppababy Vista stroller. The stroller is super lightweight and grows with your babies so you can have it for YEARS! What I loved about it in infancy is the carseats snap into place in the frame and can face forward or reverse, which made it easy to switch from strolls in the city to nap time away from the sun to facing each other. No breakdown, one hand fold and super chic design. Its costly, but totally worth it for the sake of freedom. Trust. Me. Theres NOTHING like it for the twin mom.
The Snuggle Nests! These were what the boys slept in from the moment I brought them home from the hospital to the age for four months or so. I lined them top to bottom down the center of the bed. If my mom was here to help me she slept on one side of them and I slept on the other side with them down the middle so overnight feedings were a breeze! Then, whenever I was visiting a friend, attending an event, or even dining out I'd have these lightweight, portable beds with my to pop open and lay a baby down. They're mesh and breathable too, which reduces risk of SIDS and helped this mama sleep with ease.
The Binxy Baby shopping cart hammocks. Imagine going to the store with twon newborns. Either youre wearing one with one in a carseat IN the cart, or your pusing the stroller and trying to cram a weeks worth of groceries in the under carriage. I can't tell you how many emotional breakdowns I'd have in the grocery store before discovering the Binxy Baby hammocks. Snap them into place and lay the babies side by side in the cart. Groceries get dropped into the cart in between the hammocks. Then, wear one baby on you or hold it while you check out. Its a breeeze! Again, you're welcome.
Other must have items wehen youre expecting twins include:
And, its a bit of a splurge but every mom, twin mom or singleton mom, must get a 4Moms Mamaroo! This is best when you start wishing your Fairy Godmother would visit and turn you into an actual octopus. Get it through Amazon prime via the image below.
A few years ago I sat down in front of my computer to write a blog post and received a text from a frustrated mother, "Well, there's a reason they say babies don't come with a manual!"
"But they do," I thought! They ARE the manual!
Unfortunately over the years we've lost touch with our baser instincts and are no longer able ttrust our guts when it comes to parenting. Babies come with easy to read instructions on how to care for them. These are called cues. Your baby will give you cues that draw on your gut instincts to respond and care for them properly. When you're in touch with yourself, and in touch with your baby, these cues are as easy to read as a 1,2,3 manual!
This book, The Baby Manual is the cliff's notes version of ALL grgantuan baby books deamed a "must read" by your friends and pediatrician. Its years of working with wee little one condensed into a 1-2 hour read from the couch that you can reference once baby arrives. Downloadable to your kindle or iPad and less than $5, there's no reason why you can't learn to read your baby.
Get The Baby Manual: Who Says Babies Don't Come with a Manual
by: Chelsea Vail
Parenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play