Don't Tell My kids to be careful

Walking into Target a few days ago I had one kid in the seat of the cart and the other standing up in the cart with his arms out by his sides pretending to fly. He has been standing in carts since he was old enough to pull up on the bars. He's also toppled over enough times IN the cart that he knows to hold on tight when I start pushing it and he's almost fallen out enough times that he keeps his feet firmly planted and his focus on his balance. In the event he were to fall over and I thought he might actually fall out (which is highly unlikely at his age and ability, I'd grab his shirt and hold him in, or it's likely I'd catch him before he hit the floor. So, why did strangers ALL feel the need to tell him, "Be careful"? 

Dont tell my kids to be careful!

That's not what I want for them! I don't tell my kids to be careful because I don't want to imply there's something to be afraid of. I want them to grab life by te horns and go for it. I want them to be aware of dangers, sure, like drowning, fire, strangers, and knives, but in this instance there was literally NOTHING to be careful about. So, telling my son to be careful in a case like this could imply there's fear ahead. Instead, I prefer he stay in his active imagination and pretend hes flying as I not only speed up, but I also make an effort to hit speed bumbs and bounce over curbs. 

Risk within reason is how I run my house. A teacher who attended one of my workshops recently ased, "Are there any rules in your house?" I've been asked this question before and the answer is, "No". I don't really have any rules in my house. My kids don't really break rules because they're arent any. Instead, they govern themselves within the framework make choices with love. I find myself saying that often. 

When I see a hand pulled back to hit another, I'll gently grab the arm, pull him into a hug (disguised straight jacket)and say, "Make choices with love". Should a toy car go flying in the air, I may request "Make choices with love and drive the car on the table or the ground, please". The purpose of this method is to only set limits when limits need to be set. Toddlers are naturally going to try to push limits and test boundaries; its developmental. If I were to create a bunch of rules for them, their natural incliniation is to try to break those rules just to see what might happen. 

When a natural consequence could occur I allow that to happen such as a toy getting lost, a book getting torn, a sibling to fight back or be too angry to play the game. Perhaps its a dinner plate being put away until better manners are shown, but in my home we make choices with love and decisions are based on what's good for me and others around me. 

When they're playing, the last thing on my mind is whether or not they're being careful because as far as I'm concerned, if they're engaged in their play and are not harming themselves or others, by golly, let kids play! 

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Author

Chelsea Vail, Join Whole Heart, inventor/entrepreneur and parenting specialist!