A man in my life just bought a home. As he was giving me a virtual tour of the home he described one of the rooms as the "king suite" which made me laugh out loud and mentally take note that he didn't use the term "master suite". Internally I thought calling it a "king suite" clearly demonstrates he's staking out this home as his personal kingdom. A "king suite" implies a strong desire for independence, personal space, and solitude; a clear signal to me, as someone he's dating, that he has no interest in a relationship. I later mentioned this to him and laughed at his word choice to which he responded, "Every king needs a queen".
Now, the little girl in me felt my heart go pitter-patter because that's such an adorable thing to say, but the woman in me felt I needed to think a little deeper on this statement and figure out what that really means. What is the role of a queen for a king and what's the role of a king to a queen? Where have we gotten things twisted in regards to relationships?
He and I would both describe ourselves as anti-relationship in a "traditional" sense. In fact, I can be dating someone, good dating, and the moment a "relationship" gets brought up I feel my insides twist and I enter fight or flight. Friends say its because I haven't yet met someone I want that with, and I would agree to an extent, but it goes beyond that. Not only do I have high expectations for the person I decide to share my time and energy with, but I need to be with someone that can understand my counter-cultural view of relationships. I'll get to this...I digress...
In the game of chess, the queen has more mobility than any other piece, able to move any direction on the board. She is less valuable though because the game can continue without her; however, the king is relatively powerless without his queen. The role of the queen is to protect the king. We can assume from this a queen is to be flexible, respect her king, and protect her king from all sides at all times.
But, unfortunately, many women opt for rigid, demanding, clingy, and nagging. They demand to be treated like a "queen" but they don't behave in a way that warrants that honor. They rely on the king to make them feel like a queen, but a true queen is secure in her role and is a natural born leader. What she needs from her king is love and respect.
"Invest in your queen for she can move in ways a king can't" -Vineet Sharma
In Northern folk religion, the belief is that each man should strive to be king of his inner circle and each woman should strive to be queen of hers. They are each rulers of their own domain, but the king and queen that share a household are equal rulers of the home (their kingdom). They work together in complimentary, mutually beneficial ways, never in competition. "They are sovereigns individually with the complete ability to function independently of each other. Yet they are also able to function collectively, interactively, producing together even more than what they could independently." (KindredKreators.org/roles). The King is considered the "ruler" and expected to conduct himself according to the rules and expectations he sets for others in his domain. Without justice, there is no peace in his kingdom; therefore he holds himelf to the same standards of those he leads.
The Queen is an advocate of mercy. The queen is said to support the kings rulings and conduct herself accordingly, but also provide the balance he needs in order to rule justly. The king rules with his head, but a queen rules with her heart; both are equally important to the success of the kingdom. Logic without love becomes heartless and stoic just as love without logic can become permissive and chaotic. Together, they live in perfect balance and harmony.
"Therefore, they need each other for constructive life giving balance" (Kindredkreators.org)
Our modern day take on kings and queens is very narcissistic in comparison. We've bought into this idea that one is more powerful than the other and one should bow to the other, rather than both should give respect as equal rulers. There's the belief a man should "put your woman on a pedestal", but what about respecting the king on his thrown as well? We've designed certain roles and expectations for each partner, often unfair and unnecessary to maintain connection and strengthen bond. Far too often demands are placed on the submissive; leaving that partner confused and weak. Instead, a King and Queen should both conduct themselves as rulers of their own domains and equal rulers of their shared kingdom. They should turn to one another as trusted advisors, support each others goals, and respect each other's visions. They are not in each others lives to hold each other down, but rather lift each other up and together conquer the world.
If I am lucky enough to find a King, my hope is that he will recognize me as a true Queen, treat me as such, and most importantly trust me to rule in my own way. Together, we will be more powerful, unstoppable as a force, supporting one another's dreams, passions, and interests. Our minds will be open to all possibilities for our future and there will be mutual love, trust, respect and acceptance.
"Don't look for a princess that needs to be saved. Look for a queen willing to fight by your side" -Anonymous
Parenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play