Since my divorce the number of people who have advised me to take my time getting into a relationship is creeping up to triple digit status. I usually smile and politely answer, "Oh yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship anytime soon", which is partly true, but for different reasons than one may think.
First, I'm not really into "relationships" in the traditional sense, nor is marriage a lifegoal of mine anymore, which would require a relationship as a pre-req to get to. Therefore, I'm not necessarily seeking a relationship.
I am; however, looking for love.
I was in a relationship for nearly fourteen years. There was never love.
Six of those years I was married. Again, no love. Neither a relationship, or a marriage, guarantee love.
I don't need a definition for the connection I have with someone. I don't need a term for which to refer to them outside their name, and I certainly don't need the state or the government telling me what I can, and can't do, in regards to my experiences with this person. It may sound as though I'm jaded, but it's quite the opposite really. I'm in a peaceful state of acknowledging that two strong individuals who fall in love, and have an understanding that they'll always love each other, can enjoy life's ups and downs together without succumbing to the societal pressures of defining it.
Does this mean I won't get married again? No, not necessarily. In fact, I probably will! I'm excited about all possibilities of the next phase of my life. But, I don't feel that I HAVE to and that relieves a huge burden from me. I felt enormous pressure to get married my entire life and once I got married I realized I was only married because I didn't realize there was another option for me. I listened to the "well, you've been together for so long, who else are you going to marry" word of my inner circle and believed the lie that if I ended a toxic relationship, despite its longevity, I'd die miserable and alone because I'd invested too much time and energy into already. It's just not that binary!
Why can't two people fall in love and set their own rules for their relationship? Do I have to call this significant other my boyfriend? Husband? Why can't I refer to them by their name? Consider them my partner? My best friend? My favorite person?
Is it possible to share a life with someone you love, respect, admire, and thoroughly enjoy the company of AND live a life of adventure and passion? Why does partnering up with someone have to imply "settling down", or limit your options for other areas of your life? It shouldn't!
I'm looking for someone to share life's crazy with! Someone who challenges me, adores me, keeps me grounded, but lets me fly...someone who will show my boys how a man should treat a woman, someone to enjoy parenting with me and be a positive role model to them, but above all, someone who sees everyday as an adventure and encourages me to turn my dreams into a reality...a partnership where each member is equally strong, but together they're even stronger and can achieve more physically, mentally, and spiritually,
"I am someone who is looking for love. real love. Ridiculous. Inconvenient. Consuming. Cant-live-without-each-other-LOVE" -Carrie Bradshaw
Parenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play