Since my divorce the number of people who have advised me to take my time getting into a relationship is creeping up to triple digit status. I usually smile and politely answer, "Oh yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship anytime soon", which is partly true, but for different reasons than one may think.
First, I'm not really into "relationships" in the traditional sense, nor is marriage a lifegoal of mine anymore, which would require a relationship as a pre-req to get to. Therefore, I'm not necessarily seeking a relationship. I am; however, looking for love. I was in a relationship for nearly fourteen years. There was never love. Six of those years I was married. Again, no love. Neither a relationship, or a marriage, guarantee love. I don't need a definition for the connection I have with someone. I don't need a term for which to refer to them outside their name, and I certainly don't need the state or the government telling me what I can, and can't do, in regards to my experiences with this person. It may sound as though I'm jaded, but it's quite the opposite really. I'm in a peaceful state of acknowledging that two strong individuals who fall in love, and have an understanding that they'll always love each other, can enjoy life's ups and downs together without succumbing to the societal pressures of defining it. Does this mean I won't get married again? No, not necessarily. In fact, I probably will! I'm excited about all possibilities of the next phase of my life. But, I don't feel that I HAVE to and that relieves a huge burden from me. I felt enormous pressure to get married my entire life and once I got married I realized I was only married because I didn't realize there was another option for me. I listened to the "well, you've been together for so long, who else are you going to marry" word of my inner circle and believed the lie that if I ended a toxic relationship, despite its longevity, I'd die miserable and alone because I'd invested too much time and energy into already. It's just not that binary! Why can't two people fall in love and set their own rules for their relationship? Do I have to call this significant other my boyfriend? Husband? Why can't I refer to them by their name? Consider them my partner? My best friend? My favorite person? Is it possible to share a life with someone you love, respect, admire, and thoroughly enjoy the company of AND live a life of adventure and passion? Why does partnering up with someone have to imply "settling down", or limit your options for other areas of your life? It shouldn't! I'm looking for someone to share life's crazy with! Someone who challenges me, adores me, keeps me grounded, but lets me fly...someone who will show my boys how a man should treat a woman, someone to enjoy parenting with me and be a positive role model to them, but above all, someone who sees everyday as an adventure and encourages me to turn my dreams into a reality...a partnership where each member is equally strong, but together they're even stronger and can achieve more physically, mentally, and spiritually, "I am someone who is looking for love. real love. Ridiculous. Inconvenient. Consuming. Cant-live-without-each-other-LOVE" -Carrie Bradshaw Stay gold, Chelsea
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Ever wonder why your kids just won't keep their effing shoes on their feet? It's because, bare with me here, they're MUCH smarter than us. Children don't feel the need we do to follow societal rules and expectations. They're guided by an internal compass called INSTINCT. Ya know, that little voice inside you that you started to ignore as you grew up because grown ups were always pressuring you to ignore it.
Why would their instincts tell them to take their shoes off? The reasons are three fold. 1) Because it feels AWESOME Kids have an innate desire to remove the synthetic material from their bodies and feel the earth beneath them. The hippie community I'm a lifelong member of calls this "earthing". It fosters brain development by heightening the sensory experience of their play. 2) It's easier to walk You, as the adult, probably just rolled your eyes. But, remember, you've gotten used to shoes, you're used to walking, you're used to the comfort of modern day footware for various experiences. you probably have hiking shoes, running shoes, water shoes, and fancy nancy heels you adore. You can adjust your gait, speed, and grip according to the shoe you're on. Kids, on the other hand, are born with feet that can (and will) adjust to the environment. Their feet are much tougher than we give them credit for. In fact, all over the world kids are barefoot climbing trees and mountains just fine. 3) The dirt is healthy Yup! We play in creeks, drains, rivers, gullies, and mudholes in hopes of getting all sorts of nitty gritty funky bugs in our bodies. Because, I trust that their body is designed to survive the elements. I trust that with the right nutrition their immune systems are strong enough to ward off microscopic organisms tehy may be exposed to during their play and overtime, strengthen their ummine system to fight off diseases and illnesses. This morning I took my lil love nuggets out to Mayfield Park, a nature conservatory here in Austin and originally Iplanned to have them in rain boots so they could splash in the fresh puddles; however, we arrived barefoot instead and I was reminded how much more powerful a hike through the forest is barefoot! My heart exploded watching them grip the bark of the trees as they climbed, flatten and slow over the algae covered rocks in the creek, and navigate between sticks and pebbles along the trail. Seeing their feet caked in mud and gravel as I placed them in their carseats after their hike felt like a pat on the back as a mother. It was as if I could actually see the firing and rewiring that had occured in their brain this morning on a nature hike. During the hike I took care to point out mushrooms, birds, flowers, odd shaped sticks, and leaves of varying textures. We discussed the smells and the way the air felt along varying points of the trail. I allowed them to lead most of the way and show me where their interests lay. There was no agenda, no goal, no lesson to be learned, just free play and exploration using the environment as the teacher and the imagination as the guide. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing eveyday" -Winnie-the-Pooh Stay Gold, Chelsea |
Chelsea VailParenting expert, blogger, inventor, single mom to twins, barefoot nomad, adventure seeker, boho spirit, advocate of play Archives
March 2022
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